I randomly wrote the title of this post and then realised that whilst I was thinking about life and what we as mums wives friends sister do in it, I realised I wrote Myself last.
Not that I feel this was intentional at all, it is sometimes how it is, We quite often put other things before we are or allow ourselves to be just that ourselves.
As I think and ponder the question I have realised that I have not even factored in the fact that amongst all of those things I am an employee.
Well not so much today being the employee because I have my little man at home sick and being Mum today took priority.
Or has the opportunity to write my thoughts down taken over, he is quietly sitting on the couch with the dog watching one of his favourite movies, wonderful what panadol will do to help with the pain relief, something a mums hug can only partially fix.
So how do we manage to find ourselves in all that we have in our lives when there is so many influencing factors that seem to get in the way.
E,G little man home sick form school and I have no choice but to be Mum, even if I had chosen to be Tania at the start of the day.
What sparked off this thinking was two conversation I had, interestingly enough at separate occasions to a husband and wife who are friends of mine. The wife who by the way is also a wife, a stay at home Mum and a writer and I am sure she will fit into the friend category along the way, she was having a particularly hard time with her two year old who was doing what two year old's do well, say No and chuck Tanties.
Now most of these events as mothers we know and deal with on different levels and at different times in our lives, having being there myself I could certainly sympathise with the frustration that it can bring,but this also brings to mind the frustration of juggling the sense of self, with this overwhelming feeling of guilt to want to be your own person.
I find that a lot of the time I am who other people need or want me to be but not necessarily who I want to be.
I struggle with the fact that I do work and feeling the need to be more home with my children because as they say they are only this little once, But I could only get the opportunities that have come my way only once, so how do you make the decision?
I think I would go totally around the bend and feel like my friend is feeling with her two year old if I was to stay at home full time.
So I make my decision to be a Mum,Wife Friend Sister, Myself and an employee and manage to fit it all in, I think reflecting on the situation we put ourselves in helps us realise to put our selves first at least some of the time and deal with all the others as they arise or literally just smack us in the face.